Prayer of the Loved

Dear God, 

I am not perfect. 

Please stop Ellen from thinking I am. 

It is not fair to her, 

and it is not fair to me. 

I continuously try to play the role

and continuously come short. 

And it's not because I don't try, 

it's just that she sees me

as someone I am not,

and it is hard to live up to that image. 

So please stop blinding her to the fact

that I am who I am -

flawed. 

Should the day come

when she realizes I am not perfect, 

please give me the strength to carry on

living. 

Amen.

True Cruelty and Internal Conflict

I am not perfect. I'm far from it. But honestly, I want to be perfect. I wish I was that perfect boyfriend, husband, or man that Ellen deserves. It saddens me that I'm not, and it kills me that I will never be. But I will keep on pretending because it makes her happy, and her happiness is all I want. 

Oftentimes, I would close my eyes and wonder what I have done to deserve such a loving person in my life. I clearly do not deserve her, and yet she loves me wholeheartedly. Her dedication and love blinds her to my flaws. Why would God do something so cruel to one of his creations? 

But nevertheless I am hopeful. I will keep pretending I am perfect. And should one day she realize I am what I am, then I will accept the cruel fate destiny has dealt me.